When I find out whose fuckin' cousin you are... The movie Neighbors and how critics liked it...

The movie Neighbors was horrible.

I hated that movie, not because it did something that offended me, but because I sat and watched the unfunny son of a bitch for 50 minutes of my life.  Yes, that's about half the movie, because if I died at the end of it, my life has been wasted.

Also, I saw this shit twice:

Seth Rogen naked will scar me for months.  Look at this pic and know that you'll have to see his twice.  Fucking horrible.

 And somebody compared it to Animal House.

That's actually the point of this post.  This horribly crude - not funny crude, crude crude with not a funny, or clever element at all - movie was WELL RECEIVED BY MOVIE CRITICS.  73% on Rotten Tomatoes.  That's pretty good, if you're confused about how it works - it means that 73% of critics liked it.

Now, I watch a lot of movies.  I don't want much.  Suspend my disbelief, or be smart.  Like, I don't want you trying to win an Academy Award - like Anna and the King - written to be some epic, award winning story, not be a good movie - I just want a decent movie.  Just be a little smart!

Now, here are the fucking critics who are apparently the relatives of the cast:

Also... I can't say apparently without the apparently kid:

Now, back to the relatives of the cast, producers, boom mic guys....

Scott Mendelson of Forbes:Neighbors is a rock-solid comedy. It has a genuinely interesting premise and tells its story with just enough smarts and humanity to make the vulgarity and bawdy humor stick.

Jason Gorber of Moviefone:

Neighbors," quite simply, is one of the funniest films of the year, 

Claudia Puig, USA Today : Neighbors is the Animal House for an era in which food fights seem quaint.

ANIMAL HOUSE.  I'm not a huge fan of Animal House but I do recognize that it set the bar for a college humor, crude genre.  To compare this fucking mess is ridiculous.

73% of critics liked a movie that showed Seth Rogen's naked ass... Twice.

I fully recognize that reading this post, lots of female readers will disregard all of this because Zach Efron is not completely clothed during this movie.  Don't deny, it's ok.

Don't tell me Seth Rogen on mushrooms is funny. Or Rose Byrne running around with sorority girls is humorous. Or Seth Rogen peeing in a fountain. Or Seth Rogen calling the police and then trying to deny calling the police.  Or Zach Efron with his lost eyes playing a stereotypical frat kid.

Also... the movie Chef.  Solid. Good movie - mentioning that before I forget.  Rent that.

Now - if you watched this movie and liked it... well... Zach Efron.  Otherwise, let's get you some more movies to watch.  

Also, go watch 22 Jump Street.  That's funny - actually funny.

One last time - because I had to see it twice:

Sorry - well, not really.

Have fun with your dreams now.